Ron Weasleys Day Off
by Megz2
Summary: A Harry Potter version of the classic 1985 comedy, Ferris Beuller's Day Off. Staring Ron as Ferris, Harry as Cameron, and Hermione as Sloane! And of course Severus Snape as the evil Mr. Roony! Rating only because that is what the movie is rated!
1. Faking out the Parents

Ron Weasley's Day Off  
  
AN- This was a crazy idea I had and I decided to do this out of sheer boredom, the chapters are the 'chapters' on the DVD in case you were wondering.  
  
Disclaimer: Sadly enough I don't own anything in this fic! The plot is Paromont's and the characters are JKR's! All I own are a few sad word changes...sobs :*(  
  
Right I know that Hogwarts is a boarding school but I am pretending  
  
that this is the day that they should be coming back from Spring Break,  
  
hence Ron being to sick to get on the Hogwarts Express and go to  
  
school. Harry still lives with his aunt and uncle, and if you have  
  
seen the movie you know that he is sick too, but the Dursley's just  
  
don't care. Also for the sake of this fic, Ron and Harry will have  
  
mirrors like Harry and Sirius had.  
  
Cast:  
  
Ferris Bueller: Ron Weasley  
  
Ferris' parents: Mr. and Mrs. Weasley  
  
Jeanie Beuller: Ginny Weasley  
  
Cameron: Harry Potter  
  
Sloane: Hermione Granger  
  
Mr. Rooney: Severus Snape  
  
Teacher: Professor Binns (Ben Stien's character)  
  
Everyone else will be little rolls.  
  
Chapter One: Faking Out The Parents:  
  
Mrs. Weasley:(screams)TOM!  
  
Mr. Weasley:(breathless): What's the matter?  
  
Mrs. Weasley(worried: It's Ron!  
  
Mr. Weasley: What's wrong?  
  
Mrs. Weasley: (snaps) What's wrong? For Christ's sake!  
Look at him!  
  
An eighteen year-old red-haired boy. He's staring lifelessly in space. His mouth's open. His eyes are bugged-out. His tongue is fat and dry in his mouth. He's laying in bed, on his side.  
  
Mr. Weasley: Ron?  
  
Mrs. Weasley: He doesn't have a fever. But he says  
his stomach hurts and he's seeing spots.  
  
Mr. Weasley bends down and touches Ron's forehead.  
  
Mr. Weasley: What's the matter, Ron?  
  
Mrs. Weasley: Feel his hands. They're cold and clammy.  
  
Mr. Weasley takes one of Ron's hands.  
  
Ron exhales loudly. He tries to speak but all he can  
manage is a choked gasp.  
  
Mr. Weasley: What?  
  
Ron tries again.  
  
Ron: Don't make a fuss. I'm fine. I'll get up.  
  
He starts to get up. Mrs. Weasley gently pushes him back down.  
  
Ron: I have a test today. I have to take it. I want to get good scores on my N.E.W.T's, so I can have a fruitful life...  
  
Mrs. Weasley: You're not going to school like  
this. (to Mr. Weasley) Maybe I cancel my plans with Katie's mother today.  
  
Ron: I'm okay, Mom. I feel perfectly...  
  
Ron's younger sister, Ginny,walks into the room. She's dressed  
for school.  
  
Ginny: Oh, fine. What's this? What's his problem?  
  
Mrs. Weasley: He doesn't feel well.  
  
Ginny: Yeah, right. And I'm Minister of Magic.  
  
Mr. Weasley: That's enough, Ginny.  
  
Ginny: You're not falling for this, are you?  
Tell me you're not falling for this.  
  
Ron: Is that Jeanie? I can't see that  
far. Jeanie?  
  
Ginny: Pucker up and squat, Ron.  
  
Mrs. Weasley: (annoyed) Thank you, Ginny. Get to school.  
  
Ginny: (angry, defeated) You're really letting him stay home? I can't believe this. If I was bleeding out my eyes, you guys'd make me go to school. It's so unfair.  
  
Ron: Please don't be upset with me, Ginny. Be thankful that you're fit and haveyour health. Cherish it.  
  
Ginny: (to herself) Oh, I wanna puke.  
  
Ron:I'll be okay. I'll just sleep. Maybe I'll have an aspirin around noon.  
  
Mrs. Weasley: (to Ron) I'm showing Katie's mom around Diagon Alley today. Call the Leaky Cauldron if you need anything, Tom will know where I am.  
  
Mr. Weasley: I'll check it with you, too.  
  
Ron: It's nice to know I have such loving, caring parents. You're both very special people.  
  
Mrs. Weasley strokes her son's hair.  
  
Mrs. Weasley: I hope you feel better, pumpkin.  
  
She leans down and kisses his forehead. Tom pats his  
shoulder.  
  
Mr. Weasley: Get some rest.  
  
Ron lets out a wheeze. His glassy eyes follow his parents  
to the door.  
  
Mrs. Weasley: We love you, sweetie.  
  
Mr. Weasley: Call if you need us.  
  
They close the door. The lock clicks. Ron's eyes shift,  
a sly, little smile crawls across  
his lips.  
  
Ron: They bought it. 


	2. Faking Out Snape

AN- Unfortunately there was no way to avoid phones, computers, or cars in this chapter.I apologize for them, but there simply wasn't away around it that would be any good at all! Thank you for understanding!  
  
Thanks for all the reviews!  
  
Koolcatt: Yeah all the characters are going to be OOC some.especially Harry and Hermione but I figured the same, its all just for fun!  
  
Sarah Embry: LOL Thank you!  
  
Phoenixflames1: Me too!  
  
ElfFlame: Sorry about it that.you see I am cutting and pasting the script from online and then changing things but I might have forgotten to change that! (In the movie Ferris' father is named Tom) Anyway thank you!  
  
Chapter 2: Faking out Snape  
  
Ron yanks open the drapes. The pall of the sickroom disappears in the brilliant glow of morning sunlight.  
  
Ron: Incredible! One of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second. (looks out the window) What a beautiful day!  
  
He turns from the window.  
  
Ron: Parents always fall for the clammy hands. It's physical evidence of illness. It's a good, non-specific symptom. Parents aregenerally pretty hip to the fever scams. And to make them work you have to go a hundredand one, hundred and two. You get a nervousmother and you end up in a doctor's office and that's worse than school.  
  
Fake a stomach cramp and when you're doubled over, moaning and wailing, just lick your palms. It's a little stupid and childish but then so is seventh year Right?  
  
This is my ninth sick day with semester. If I go for ten, I'm probably going to have to barf up a lung. So, I absolutely must make this one count.  
  
Ron walks into the bathroom. It's littered with Ginny's stuff. He turns on the shower water.  
  
Ron: I don't care if you're fifty five or seven, everybody needs a day off now and then. It's a beautiful day. How can I be expected to handle Hogwarts?  
  
He bends down OUT OF FRAME as he loses his briefs. He pops up.  
  
Ron: I do actually have a test. That wasn't bullshit.  
  
He steps into the shower. Through the pebbled glass of the shower door we see Ron's outline.  
  
Ron: That I care about it was.  
  
Inside the shower. Ron's hair is standing straight up. It's molded into a fin with shampoo.  
  
Ron: It's on American capitalists. I mean, really. What's the point? I'm not American. I don't plan to be American. So, who gives a shit if they're capitalists? They could be fascist anarchists and it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a muggle car.  
  
He turns the shower head around and uses it like a microphone.  
  
Ron: (sings) WELL SHAKE IT UP, BABY, TWIST AND SHOUT...  
  
Ron comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. He's drying his hair with another of a different color.  
  
Ron: Not that I condone fascism. Or and "isms". "Isms", in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an "ism". He should believe in himself. John Lennon said it on his first solo album. "I don't believe in Beatles, I just believe in me." A good point. After all, he was the Walrus.  
  
He opens a linen closet and tosses the towel in it.  
  
Ron: I could be the Walrus and I'd still have to bum rides off people.  
  
Number four, Privite Drive. A telephone rings OVER.  
  
It's a dark, dreary sick room. Shades drawn, floor strewn  
with used tissues, nightstand a still-life of over the  
counter remedies. A another Hogwarts 7th year, Harry Potter, is laying  
in bed. We don't see his face, only a silhouette with a  
thermometer sticking out his mouth. He's mumbling random words.  
  
The phone rings. His hand reaches back and hits the speaker  
phone button.  
  
Harry: (weak) Hello?  
  
Ron's voice: Harry! What's happening?  
  
Harry: Very little.  
  
Ron's voice: How do you feel?  
  
Harry: Shredded.  
  
Ron's voice: Is your aunt in the room?  
  
Harry takes the thermometer out of his mouth.  
  
Harry: She's not home. Where are you?  
  
Ron's voice: The Burrow  
  
Ron is sprawled out in the chair.  
  
Ron: I'm taking the day off. Get dressed and come over.  
  
Harry: I can't. I'm sick.  
  
Ron: It's all in your head. Come on over.  
  
Harry's insistent.  
  
Harry: I feel like complete shit, Ron. I can't go anywhere.  
  
Ron's voice: I'm sorry to hear that. Now, come on over and pick me up.  
  
Ron disconnects. Harry slowly hangs up the phone.  
  
Harry: I'm dying.  
  
The phone rings again. Harry hits the speaker button.  
  
Ron's voice: You're not dying. You just can't think of anything good to do.  
  
Ron hangs up.  
  
Ron: If anybody needs a day off, it's Harry. He has a lot of things to out before he graduates. He can't be wound this tight and go the Auror Academy. His roommate'll kill him. I've come close myself. But I like him. He's a little easier to take when you know why he's like he is. The boy cannot relax. Pardon by French but Harry is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you'd have a diamond.  
(after-thought) And Harry would worry that he'd owe taxes on it.  
  
Professor Sprout: Abbot?  
  
Here.  
  
Brown?  
  
Here.  
  
Patil?  
  
Here.  
  
Patil?  
  
Here.  
  
Weasley?  
  
Weaskey?  
  
Lavender: He's sick. pause) best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with a girl who saw Ron pass-out at the 3 brromsticks last night. I guess it's pretty serious.  
  
Professor Sprout: (weary) Thank you, Lavender.  
  
Lavender: (cheery) No problem whatsoever.  
  
Zambini?  
  
What? Mrs. Weasley: Molly Weasley  
  
Her eyes open wide with alarm.  
  
Mrs. Weasley: Oh, Merlin. I'm so sorry. I completely forgot to owl  
  
At Hogwarts  
  
Severus Snape: Are you aware that your son is not in school today?  
  
Mrs. Weasley: Yes, I am. Ron is home sick. I had a meeting first thing this morning. I should have owled. It completely slipped my mind.  
  
Severus Snape: Are you also aware that Ron does not have what we consider an exemplary attendance record?  
  
Mrs. Weasley: I don't understand.  
  
Severus Snape: I just had his file up. (magical computer)  
  
Snape: I just has his file up, Mrs. Weasley  
  
Snape: If Ron thinks he can coast this last month and still graduate, he's sorely mistaken.  
  
Mrs. Weasley: This is all news to me.  
  
The monitor on Snape's desk displays Ron's records.  
  
Severus Snape: So far this semester alone, he's been absent nine times. Including today.  
  
Mrs. Weasley: Nine times?  
  
Under DAYS MISSED we see a number 9 suddenly change to a number 2.  
  
Snape turns to the monitor. He reads off the screen. Snape: I have it right here in front of me. He's missed...  
  
He looks closer at the screen.  
  
Ron is at his Macintosh computer. He has his record up on the screen.  
  
Ron: I wanted a car. I got a computer. How's that for being born under a bad sign?  
  
Mrs. Weasley: I can give you every assurance that Ron is home and that he is, in fact, very ill. I debated whether or not I should even leave him. I can appreciate that at this time of year children are prone to taking the day off, but in Ron's case, he's truly a very sick boy.  
  
Ginny is in a hall way during a passing period. Parvati comes up to her.  
  
Parvati: I'm really sorry about your brother.  
  
Ginny: What're you sorry for? I have to live with the trouser snake.  
  
Parvati: No, I mean I heard he's really sick.  
  
Ginny: Who said he's sick?  
  
Parvati: A whole bunch of people. They said he's like on the verge of death.  
  
Ginny stares incredulously at the Parvati.  
  
Parvati: This guy in my herbology class said that if Ron dies he's giving his eyes to Mad Eye Moddy? He's really sweet isn't he?  
  
Ron: A sample of my blood was sent to London to the Center for Disease Control. I don't know, man, I'm bricking heavily. (point to a mirror)  
  
First years..  
  
Did you see the muggle movie Alien? When the guy had the creature in his stomach? It feels like that.  
  
A first year boy is on the pay phone. A couple of his frierds are standing at his side waiting anxiously for news.  
  
First year: Merlin! Are you kidding?  
  
Second first year: What?  
  
First year 1: Did you see Alien?  
  
First year 2: No.  
  
First year 1: Oh. He's really wasted.  
  
Third first year: (to the Second first year) Who's he talking to?  
  
First year 2: Ron Weasley. You know him?  
  
Third first year: (excited) Yeah. He's getting me out of summer school.  
  
First year 1: Anyway, I appreciate you letting us know how you're doing. We gotta split. (pause) Huh?...Yeah, sure. Hold on.  
  
First year 2: (to first year 3) Shit. I hope he doesn't die. I can't handle summer school.  
  
The boy snatches a passing girl first year.  
  
First year 1: Did you see Alien?  
  
Girl: Yeah, why?  
  
He hands her the mirror.  
  
Girl: Hello? (pause) Who? (pause) Hi, Ron. How's your bod? (jaw drops) Merlin! You're dying? Is it serious? (pause) Shit! Are you upset?  
  
Snapes comparing his computer monitor to hard copy. His student aid is standing over his shoulder.  
  
Snape: don't trust this kid any further than I can throw him! Student Aid: With your bad knee, you betternot throw anybody, Professor.  
  
Snape stares at her for a long beat.  
  
Snape: What's so dangerous about a character like Ron Weasley is that he gives the good kids bad ideas. The last thing I need at this point in my career is fifteen hundred Ron Weasley disciples running around these halls.  
  
Student Aid: He's very popular, Professor. Sportos, motorheads, geeks, sluts, pinheads, dweebies, wonkers, richies, they all adore him.  
  
Snape: That's exactly why I have to catch him this time. To show these kids that the example he sets is a first class ticket to nowhere.  
  
Student Aid: (impressed) Ooo. You sounded like Salazar Slytherin just now.  
  
Snape looks up at her with a proud smile.  
  
Snape: Really?  
  
It's a glorious late spring day. A florist's truck drives past the house.  
  
He's on the telephone. As he speaks he does a little  
MacPainting on his MacIntosh. A Modigliani nude.  
  
Ron: Harry, if you're not over here in fifteen minutes, you can find a new best friend. I'm serious, man. This is bullshit, making me wait around the house for you.  
  
Harry: I'm sick. I feel like shit. Why can't you leave me alone?  
  
Ron's voice: You're not up for some good times? Its a beautiful day. It's almost summer. If this was Hawaii, we'd be surfing.  
  
He's growing weary of Harry's wimpishness.  
  
Ron: You want to stay home and try to have the shits? Try to barf?  
Try to feel worse?  
  
Harry's voice: I don't have to try.  
  
Ron: Be a man. Take some Pepto Bismol and get dressed. You're boring me with this stuff.  
  
The other phone line rings.  
  
Ron: Squeeze your buns for a second. I got another call.  
  
He puts Harry on hold. He clears his throat and answers the second line. He sounds like he's on his last breath.  
  
Ron: H--hell-o?  
  
Mr. Weasley's voice: Ron?  
  
He's behind his desk. Nice office. Two windows. Herman Miller desk and chair.  
  
Mr. Weasley: You sound terrible.  
  
Ron: Really? Darn! I thought I was improving.  
  
Mr. Weasley: Were you sleeping?  
  
Ron: I was trying to do some homework.  
  
A closer view of the rude drawing Ron is making.  
  
Ron: I'm so worried about falling behind.  
  
He leans back from the monitor and sips a Butterbear.  
  
Ron: Dad? Can you hold on a second?  
  
Mr. Weasley: Sure, pal. Are you all right?  
  
Ron: Just a little phlegm on the phone. Hold on.  
  
He puts his father on hold.  
  
Ron: Harry? It's my Dad.  
  
Harry: Oh, that's just great. Are you busted?  
  
Ron: It's completely cool. He's just checking up on me. Now, listen to me. The least youcan do is hurry up and get over here. Bye.  
  
He disconnects and gets his father back.  
  
Harry is sitting behind the wheel of his car.  
  
Harry: We're gonna get caught. No doubt about it.  
  
He cuts the engine.  
  
Harry: I'm not doing it.  
  
He sits for half a beat.  
  
Harry: He'll keep calling until I come over.  
  
He sighs and restarts the engine. Another beat.  
  
Harry: Actually, what'll happen is I'll get caught. Ron'll escape.  
  
Ron: Harry'll go on like that for a good thirty minutes. The guy is a shellfish when it comes to making a decision. The reason he doesn't feel good is, he worries about everything. He's the only guy I know who's deeply concerned that when he grows up there'll be a critical shortage strategic metals.  
  
Ron comes out of his room and heads down the hallway.  
  
Ron: Cameron's also the only guy I know who knows what strategic metals are.  
  
A stunningly beautiful girl, Hermione Granger , is sitting at her desk in a history class. She's staring out the window as Professor Binns delivers a dry, dusty lecture.  
  
Professor Binns: Urgig's health had seriously deteriorated by the time he met in the Warlocks Convention.  
  
The classroom door opens and the school Madame Pomfrey walks in. She crosses to him and whispers in his ear.  
  
Hermione: She, like the others, watches the nurse curiously.  
  
The teacher's face drops as he's delivered an obvious piece of disturbing news. He nods grimly to the Nurse. She looks at the kids.  
  
Madame Pomfrey: Hermione Granger?  
  
Hermione: Sits up in her seat.  
  
Madame Pomfrey: She's a picture of compassion and understanding. May I see you outside for a moment? There's been an emergency.  
  
Hermione: A smile curls across her lips. As she gathers her books she looks to the girl next to her.  
  
Hermione: (whispers) Dead grandmother.  
  
The Nurse is gently holding Hermion's hand.  
  
Madame Pomfrey: (nods solemnly) Dead grandmother.  
  
Severus Snape has a suspicious look on his face.  
  
Snape: Dead grandmother?  
  
Snape's at his desk. His student aid is standing across from him.  
  
Student Aid: That's what Mr. Granger said. I had Madame Pomfrey notify Hermione.  
  
Snape: Who's this girl's going with?  
  
Student Aid: It's so hard to tell. I see her a lot with Ron Weasley.  
  
Snape smiles. His suspicions are confirmed.  
  
Snape: Could you get me Mr. Granger's daytime number?  
  
As the student aid starts out of the room, Rooney's phone rings. She stops and answers the desk phone.  
  
Student Aid: Severus Snape's office.  
(pause)  
Yes. Can you hold? Thank you.  
  
She puts the call on hold.  
  
Student Aid: It's Mr. Peterson.  
  
Snape is startled. He thinks for a beat then reaches for the phone.  
  
Student Aid: Do you still want his number?  
  
Snape answers her with an annoyed look. She smiles and backs out. He punches the phone button.  
  
Snape: Severus Snape  
  
Man's voice: This is Edward Granger  
  
Snape: How are you today, sir?  
  
Man's voice: We've had a bit of bad luck this morning as you may have heard.  
  
Snape rolls his eyes. It's so obvious it's not Mr. Granger  
  
Snape: I heard. And, gosh, I'm all broken up. Huh? Oh, sure. I'd be happy to release Hermione. You produce a corpse and I'll release Hermione.. I want to see this dead grandmother firsthand.  
  
The student aid stops cold in the doorway. She turns to Snape in horror. He covers the phone.  
  
Snape: (whispers) It's Ron Weasley. Nervy little punk. I'm gonna set a trap and let him walk right into it! (to phone) That's right. Cart the stiff in and I'll turn over your daughter. It's school policy. Was this your mother?  
  
Snape's other line rings.  
  
She steps out of Rooney's office and picks up the other line.  
  
Student Aid: Severus Snape's office.  
  
Her jaw drops.  
  
Student Aid: Hold, please.  
  
She puts the call on hold and hangs up. She hurried into Snape's office.  
  
Snape is chewing out the person on the other line.  
  
Snape: I'll tell you want, you don't like my policies, you can just come on down and smooch by big old ugly ass. You hear me?  
  
The student aid comes in. She's waving her arms furiously. Snape tries to wave her away. He's angry. She stomps her foot. Snape covers the phone.  
  
Snape: What!?  
  
Student Aid: Ron Weasley'a on line two.  
  
A mask of horror. He glances at the phone.  
  
The second line light is flashing.  
  
He blinks, cocks his head, twitches.  
  
Ron's zipping his pants, fastening his belt. The phone's cradled against his shoulder. He speaks in the same voice he used on his father.  
  
Ron: Professor Snape? I'm sorry to disturb you at work but I was wondering if it would be possible for my sister to owl any assignments from my classes that I may need.  
  
Snape stares blankly ahead.  
  
Ron: Thank you, sir.  
  
He nods.  
  
Snape's finger gingerly presses the button on the waiting call.  
  
He winces as he returns to the first call.  
  
Harry's on the phone in the kitchen. He's doing a deep,  
phoney "father" voice.  
  
Harry: You oughta be sorry for Christ's sake! A family member dies and you insult me. What's the matter with you, anyway?  
  
He apologies profusely to Harry. He's perspiring,  
trembling.  
  
Snape: I don't know. I thought you were someone else. You have to know, sir, that I would never deliberately insult you. I can't begin to tell you how embarrassed I am.  
  
Harry: Pardon my French but you're an asshole!  
  
Snape nods enthusiastically.  
  
Snape: Absolutely! I most certainly am.  
  
Harry: This isn't over yet, buster. You just make sure my daughter's out in front of the school in ten minutes. Do you read me?  
  
Snape: Loud and clear, Mr. Granger  
  
Harry: Call me sir, goddamn it!  
  
Snape: Sir.  
  
Harry: That's better.  
  
Ron strolls into the kitchen to catch the last of the conversation. Harry covers the phone.  
  
Harry: (to Ron) I'm scared shitless, Ron! What if Snape guesses my voice!  
  
Ron: Impossible. You're doing great.  
  
Harry sighs and goes back to the phone.  
  
Harry: (clears his throat) I don't have all day to bark at you so I'll make this short and sweet.  
  
Ron gives Harry an enthusiastic thumbs up.  
  
Ron: (mouths) Great!  
  
Harry smiles proudly.  
  
Harry: I want my daughter out by the gates at the front of the school in ten minutes. By herself. I don't want anyone around...  
  
Ron smacks Harry. He's said the wrong thing. He covers the phone.  
  
Harry: What'd I do?  
  
Ron: Out in front by herself? It's too suspicious! He'll think something's up, moron. Cover it.  
  
Harry panics. He holds the phone out to Ron.  
  
Harry: You do it!  
  
Ron waves his arms angrily.  
  
Ron: Talk!  
  
Harry takes a deep breath. He clears his throat and puts on his father's voice.  
  
Harry: I changed my mind, fella. You be out in front with her! I wanna have a few words with you!  
  
Ron slaps Harry. The phone flies out of his hand.  
  
Snape winces as the phone hits the floor with a loud CLONK! We HEAR THE BOYS SCRAMBLING TO PICK UP THE PHONE, THEN Harry CLEARING HIS THROAT.  
  
Harry: On second thought, I don't have time to talk to you. We'll get together soon and have lunch.  
  
Harry is rubbing the side of his head.  
  
Harry: Why'd you hit me?!  
  
Ron: Where's your brain?!  
  
Harry: Why'd you hit me?!  
  
Ron: Where's your brain?!  
  
Harry: Why'd you hit me?  
  
Ron: Where's your brain?  
  
Harry: I asked you first.  
  
Ron: How can we pick up Hermione if Snape's going to be there with her?!  
  
Harry: I said for her to be there alone and you freaked!  
  
Ron: Merlin, you're so stupid!  
(aside) I didn't hit you, I lightly slapped you.  
  
Harry: You hit me. Look, don't ask me to participate in your crap if you don't like the way I do it!  
  
Ron is incredulous at Harry's stupidity. Harry's anger is intensified by his embarrassment.  
  
Harry: I was home, sick. You get me out ofbed, bring me over here, make me jeopardize my future, make me do a phoney phone call to Snape, a man who could squeeze my nuts into oblivion and then you deliberately hurt my feelings.  
  
Ron: I didn't deliberately hurt your feelings.  
  
Harry: Oh, really?  
  
Ron: Yeah, really.  
  
Harry glares at Ron.  
  
Harry: Hey, Ron? Have a nice life.  
  
He turns and heads out of the room. Ron sighs. Ron: Harry?  
  
Harry: Stick it up your ass, Ron.  
  
Ron: Harry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean jam you. It was uncalled for.  
  
Harry stops.  
  
Harry: You're serious?  
  
He turns around.  
  
Ron: Dead serious.  
  
Harry smiles. He appreciates Ron's apology.  
  
Harry: Thanks.  
  
Ron: You did screw up through, right? Not that is was necessarily all you fault. Right?  
  
Harry: (suspiciously) Why?  
  
Ron: To fix this situation, I'm going to have to ask you for a small favor.  
  
Harry's jaw drops.  
  
The door opens slowly, dramatically as we hear a heraldic  
fanfare. Light streams in to reveal Harry and Ron  
looking at the car. Ron is smiling with excitement and  
awe. Harry is frowning with trepidation and fear.  
  
Harry's face is ashen. The end of the world is at hand. Ron is in heaven.  
  
Harry: (grim monotone) 1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California. Less than a hundred were made. It has a value of 265,000 pounds. My uncle spent three years restoring it. It is joy, it is his love, it is his passion.  
  
Ron: It is his fault he didn't lock the garage.  
  
Harry: Ron, my uncle loves this car more than life itself. We can't take is out.  
  
Ron: A man with priorities so far out of whack doesn't deserve such a fine automobile.  
  
Harry: He never drives it, Ron. He just rubs it with a diaper.  
  
Ron: We can't pick up Hermione in your car, Harry.*** Snape'd never believe Mr. Granger drives that piece of shit.  
  
Harry: It's not a piece of shit.  
  
Ron: It's a piece of shit. Don't worry about it. I don't even have a piece of shit. I have to envy yours. Look, I'm sorry but there's nothing else we can do.  
  
Harry: He knows the mileage, Ron. He has it tatooed on his wrist.  
  
Ron: He doesn't trust you?  
  
Harry: No.  
  
Ron: All right, look, this is real simple. He puts his arm around Harry. Whatever miles we put on it, we'll take off.  
  
Harry: (suspicious) How?  
  
Ron: (big, proud smile) We'll drive home backwards.  
  
Harry shakes his head, no.  
  
Harry: Forget it. I'm putting my foot down, Ron.. You'll have to think of something else...  
  
Harry's protests are drowned out by the distinctive roar  
of the twelve cylinders.  
  
Harry:...You're not talking me into this  
one. I have to live with the man.  
I'm sorry but...  
  
The roar of the engine is roaring  
  
The Ferrari is parked out in front. The top is down.  
  
Ron is driving. He's wearing a man's hat and sunglasses. Harry's in the back. Snape and Hermione come out the door.  
  
Snape: Once again let me say how deeply saddened I am by your loss.  
  
Hermione: Huh?  
  
Snape: Were you close to your grandmother?  
  
Hermione: Oh. Um. Yeah. Very. She was a terrific lady. Very hip. Very old. Yeah.  
  
Deep Voice: Oh, Hermione! Dear!  
  
Hermione looks across at the Ferrari. Snape looks.  
  
Ron is looking out across the roof of the Ferrari. He's careful to keep his nose and mouth below the roofline.  
  
Ron: Hurry along now!  
  
Snape's suspicious. Hermione smiles and bids Snape a hasty  
farewell.  
  
Hermione: I guess that's my Dad. Thanks. See ya.  
  
She hurries to the car. Snape watches her. Something does not compute for him.  
  
Hermione shrieks with delight. She leans across the console and gives Ron a kiss.  
  
Hermione: This is so great! I can't believe it! Right in front of Snape!  
  
She laughs and turns to Harry.  
  
Hermione: Hi, Harry. You comfortable?  
  
Harry: Hi. No.  
  
Hermione: What a fabulous car!  
  
Harry: Enjoy it quick. It's going home.  
  
Hermione: What're we gonna do?  
  
Ron: The question isn't "what are we gonna do", the question is "what aren't we going to do."  
  
Harry: Don't tell me we're not going to take the car home. Please.  
  
Ron: (to CAMERA) If you had access to a car like this would you take it back right away? Would you give up feeling like a ton just to ease your best friend's tension?  
  
He smiles.  
  
Ron: Neither would I.  
  
***Right the car that Harry has is Dudley's old car that he broke (think of the pain the car must have been in) The Dursley's then decided to just give the car to Harry. 


	3. London

Chapter Three- London  
  
Snape's student aid is dialing a number for him.  
  
STUDENT AID: This is the Granger's home.  
  
She hands the phone to Snape.  
  
STUDENT AID: Watch your mouth this time.  
  
Snape glares at her.  
  
SNAPE: Ron Weasley's behind this. There's no doubt in my mind. That's what I was saying this morning. Why he has to be stopped. He's got Hermione Granger involved in this thing now. See?  
  
The student aid nods.  
  
STUDENT AID: And her grandmother, too.  
  
AN ANSWERING MACHING  
  
It clicks on. We hear a grieved woman's voice. It sounds an awful lot like Hermione.  
  
HERMIONE: We can't come to the phone right now. We've had a death in the family. If you need to reach us we'll be at the following number...  
  
Snape quickly takes down a number.  
  
HARRY'S HOUSE  
  
His answering machine clicks on. We hear Harry's voice.  
  
HARRY'S VOICE: You have reached the Coughlin Bros. Mortuary. We are unable to come to the phone right now but if you'll leave your name and number...  
  
Snape hangs up the phone.  
  
SNAPE: Something's going on, goddamn it. Any I'm going to stop it.  
  
Ginny's walking down the hall. She's stopped by a KID with a butter beer bottle.  
  
KID: Yo. We're collecting money to buy Ron Weasley a new kidney.  
  
Ginny stares at him. She's flabbergasted at the proportions her brother's scam has reached.  
  
KID: They run about 1000 galleons so it you could help out...  
  
GINNY: Go piss up a flagpole!  
  
KID: Huh?  
  
She knocks the bottle out of his hands and storms down the hall. The kid yells after her.  
  
KID: Hey, babe! Some day you might need a favor from Ron Weasley! Then where'll you be?!  
  
He reaches for the bottle.  
  
KID: Heartless wench...  
  
A London Parking Garage  
  
The Ferrari pulls into a large parking garage.  
  
Ron, Hermione and Harry get out. Harry's having fits.  
  
HARRY: We can't leave the car here!  
  
RON: Why not?  
  
HARRY: Because we can't! I want it back home where it belongs!  
  
HERMIONE: What could happen to it?  
  
HARRY: It could get stolen, wrecked, scratched, breathed on wrong you name it.  
  
RON: I'll give the guy a galleon to watch it.  
  
HARRY: What guy?  
  
PARKING ATTENDANT  
  
He smiles with relish at the car. 6'6", 240. An IQ that equals his hourly wage. Shoulder-length hair stuffed into a hairnet Gold teeth. Earring. Goatee.  
  
The Attendant swaggers over to the car. Ron slips him a galleon  
  
RON: You speak English?  
  
ATTENDANT: What country do you think this is?  
  
RON: Great. I want to you take extra special care of this vehicle, okay?  
  
He pats the Attendant on the arm. He smiles.  
  
The Attendant very gingerly gets into the car. Ron turns to Harry. The Ferrari pulls into the lot very slowly, very carefully. No squealing tires, no revving engine.  
  
RON: See what a little gold can do to a person's attitude?  
  
Ron nudges Harry on. They exit the garage. A long beat and the Ferrari creeps down the  
  
exit ramp of the garage. It's gone in the entrance and out the exit. Another attendant  
  
jumps in the passenger side. He's skinny, tall, with a huge knit hat willed with dreads.  
  
He lets out a spirited laugh and the Ferrari peels out of the lot. It heads down the street  
  
away from Hermione, Ron and Harry.  
  
Molly's car pulls in the driveway. She gets out and heads up the house.  
  
RON'S ROOM  
  
It's dark. There's a figure in the bed. We hear soft snoring. A wire runs from under the bed covers to the closet door to the door to the room itself.  
  
The wire is tied to the doorknob. It's taut. Downstairs, we hear a door open and close.  
  
Molly quietly walks up the stairs.  
  
Molly comes up the stairs and crosses to Ron' room. She listens at the door. WE HEAR THE SNORING.  
  
Molly slowly turns the doorknob and pushes the door open a crack.  
  
The door opens and the figure-like lump in the bed moves.  
  
She smiles and closes the door.  
  
The closet door is open. The wire from the bedroom door is strung over the top of the closet door. A trophy is attached to the end of the wire and it's resting on a yard stick. As the bedroom door closes, the trophy lifts up off the yardstick and the lump in the bed goes back down to it's original position.  
  
Little LED's are lighting up to the rhythm of the snoring. The snoring it simulated.  
  
Molly listens at the door another beat. She's smiles with relief and affection.  
  
THE LONDON EYE  
  
HELICOPTER SHOT moves in on the observation wheel. As it passes we see three figures pressed against the windows.  
  
RON: This is the world's largest observation wheel. From our vantage point here 103 meters high, we are provided with a view of three of the world's most famous sights.  
  
HARRY: Do you think the car's all right?  
  
RON: St. Paul's, the Palace of Westminster, and my personal favorite Windsor Castle.[1]  
  
London eye pod:  
  
Ron, Harry and Hermione are standing against the window.  
  
HARRY: I don't feel good, Ron. Are we gonna stay long?  
  
RON: Take a step back...  
  
Ron steps back. Hermione and Harry follow suit.  
  
RON: Now, lean against the glass. Like this...  
  
He leans forward, putting all his weight on his forehead.  
  
RON: And look down.  
  
Hermione leans forward. Harry follows, reluctantly.  
  
Harry's looking down.  
  
HARRY: I think I see my Uncle.  
  
London Exchange Trading Room.  
  
Traders are frantically buying and selling commodities. Ron, Harry and Hermione are sitting in the gallery watching the proceedings.  
  
RON: Would you want to get married? I mean if I wasn't an asshole.  
  
HERMIONE: Sure.  
  
RON: (serious) Today?  
  
Hermione stares at him. Is he serious?  
  
RON: I'm game.  
  
HERMIONE: No way!  
  
HERMIONE: I'm not getting married.  
  
HARRY: I'm with you, babe.  
  
RON: Why not?  
  
HERMIONE: What do you mean, why not? Think about it.  
  
RON: Besides being too young and your father hating my guts and not having any place to live and feeling awkward about being the only prefect with a husband, give me a good reason why not.  
  
HARRY: I'll give you two. My mother and father.  
  
Ron and Hermione look at him curiously.  
  
HARRY: They were married and then they were killed, my mother only because she was married.  
  
RON: But Voldemort was after your parents...and you, he isn't after me and Hermione.  
  
HARRY: And if you have any children he will want to kill the child of the two most powerful friend's of Harry Potter's..  
  
There was an awkward silence.  
  
[1] I got all my information about the London eye from www.londoneye.com. Also some of it is from when I visited England a couple summers ago and went up on it..I thought it was a good replacement for the Sears Tower in Chicago.  
  
AN- Im sorry it took so long.hmm only one review last chapter..please change that I  
  
want at least five before the next post...thank you to the one person who did review however.  
  
Another AN- The only script I could find for the movie has a bunch of extra scenes that  
  
got deleted from the movie.I'm trying to make sure that they don't get in here. Also,  
  
I'm guessing there was a lot of add lipping in the movie because some of the things are  
  
not in the script and as many times as I have seen the movie and cannot remember them all... 


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